


Lackland Elf Storage

by humantales



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-28
Updated: 2010-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-06 18:51:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humantales/pseuds/humantales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After becoming "head of the family", Draco must investigate a mystery bill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lackland Elf Storage

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
> 
> _Author's Note: Beta'ed by the kind and incredibly patient muggle_prof._

Draco stared at the bills in front of him, wondering if his father had sometimes just paid for things for the hell of it. He'd certainly never worried about the cost of anything as far as Draco could see. Draco never had either, but after the Ministry had levied such gargantuan fines against his father and the estate, money wasn't as plentiful as it had been. They weren't poor, far from it, but Draco did have to be more careful with the costs of things.

His mother certainly wasn't going to worry about such things. Draco was an adult, Draco was the man of the family, so it was Draco's responsibility. Her responsibility was to be the perfect Pureblood wife. Draco sighed. That was apparently a much more expensive responsibility than he'd ever been aware of before, and all his requests to his mother to be more careful in what she spent were ignored.

The bill that was currently giving Draco a headache was from a company called L.E.S. There was no indication of what the initials stood for or what L.E.S. did, merely a monthly payment that had been on the books since before his father took over the estate. The amount had been steadily increasing over all that time as well. Since there was an address on the bill, Draco finally decided to visit the business to see what it was he was paying for.

When Draco arrived at the address, he sighed. There was a discreet sign to one side of the warehouse that said L.E.S.; however, there was still no indication as to what services the company provided. Draco walked up to the offices to speak with someone in charge.

Since the business was housed in a warehouse, Draco had expected the employees to be a little rough. The gentleman who greeted him when he walked in was clearly a professional—expensively tailored with perfect manners. When Draco introduced himself and explained the purpose of his visit, Mr. Lackland nodded. "Of course, Mr. Malfoy. Would you come into my office so I can explain our services in comfort?" Draco nodded and followed the man into a comfortable, well-appointed office.

Once Draco was seated with a cup of tea, Lackland handed him a brochure. At the top was the elegant L.E.S. logo with which Draco had become so very familiar. Under that, though, it was spelled out: Lackland Elf Storage. "Elf storage?" he asked, trying to picture the concept.

"For a number of reasons," Lackland explained, "families find themselves with more elves than they need, or can even use. Some families, of course, take the easiest route and free the excess." Draco agreed with Lackland's expression of distaste; how were those elves to care for themselves? "Other families sell or gift the excess; a more humane solution for all those involved. However, eventually, in order to avoid flooding the market, another solution must be found for the excess elves. Our company offers one such solution; we pride ourselves that it is the best."

Lackland pulled out another brochure and opened it. "The wizard family brings us their excess house-elves, and we place them in a state of suspended life and store them until they're needed." Draco looked at the picture: rows and rows of sleeping elves. "We have our own staff that cares for the stored elves, making sure they are in no discomfort and that the equipment is in good order. It is a simple process, that takes about a day, to revive as many elves as needed when necessary."

Draco thought about that. He also thought about the fact that elves bred faster than any other sentient magical creature. Even with the few left at the Manor, there were more baby elves every year. He also thought about the fact that houses seemed to need fewer and fewer elves every year. "How often do people make withdrawals?" he asked.

"The holiday season, of course, is very busy. Many great houses, such as yours, make temporary withdrawals during times of heightened entertaining. It doesn't bother the elves at all."

"Do the numbers of elves stored ever go down for more than a temporary period?" Draco asked.

Looking unnerved, Lackland said, "I'm sure some must. I don't have such statistics in front of me; I can look into it."

"When did we start storing elves with you?" Draco asked, feeling very tired.

Leafing through the file in front of him, Lackland answered, "1947. The original deposit was ten elves."

"And how many are stored now?"

Another few minutes of searching. "674," Lackland answered.

Draco stared at him. "Does anyone else have more?" he asked, feeling rather numb.

"Oh, yes," Lackland said. "We have one deposit, we can't give names of course, but one deposit of over two thousand elves. It's become very popular, due to its convenience, you know."

After a tour of the facility, including a special guided tour of the "Malfoy Section," Draco left for home, feeling stunned. He was going to go home, get truly stinking drunk, and do something completely out of character. He was going to ask that Mudblood Hermione Granger, passionate advocate for house-elf rights, for her advice and assistance. Elf storage was out of control.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: This story came about because of a sign we keep seeing. Near one of the (several) malls in our area is one of those self-storage places. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, these are warehouses with units in which you can store the stuff you can't fit into your house/apartment/whatever any more. It's not at all uncommon for someone to buy one small unit and gradually upgrade to a larger and larger one as you accumulate more stuff that you can't store at home. (Yes, for several years, we had one of the things. And we upgraded once. It's really easy to do.)
> 
> The one I'm talking about has a neon sign on the side, presumably as advertising. However, the "S" in the sign has burned out, so that the sign now reads, you guessed it, LACKLAND ELF STORAGE. After seeing the darn thing over and over again (over a several month period), I finally had to write about elf storage. Maybe now they'll fix the stupid sign.


End file.
